How to Find My Purpose as a Mom (and tips to thrive)
Stefani Pady
Why your kids need to see you thrive. Photo of a mom doing homework with their child.

How to find my purpose as a mom (and tips to thrive): As moms, even in the busyness of motherhood, you are made for a purpose. This pursuit of passion doesn’t take away from our caregiving role… It enhances it—and benefits our children. So how do I find my purpose as a mom and thrive? We’ll share practical tips to find your purpose as a mom below!

 

As Christ-following mommas, what I believe we desire most is to raise fully functioning, capable adults who know and love Jesus. We want our kids to find a passion for life, work hard, play hard, make tough decisions, and fight for their purpose.

We often do not realize that to ensure this happens for our kids, it starts with us.

We tend to prioritize everyone else first (anyone else skip a workout for the third day in a row to get their kids to a birthday party??) and we forget that we have potential to fulfill, too. It is important to remember that when we as mommas show up with confidence, clarity, passion, and purpose in our own lives, our kids will too!

We are also personally made for a purpose, and we need to find it!

 

The Benefits of Passion and Purpose

So, this begs the question(s)…

  • What is your passion in life?
  • Has God placed a fire of purpose deep inside your heart? (And are you listening to His call?)
  • Are you protecting your boundaries to create a space to thrive?
  • Do you have a plan for where you are going and a path to get there?

Sometimes we get so focused on everyone else that we forget to fill our soul up by pursuing the potential God has for our own life. This doesn’t mean we each need a change-the-world-type of goal, but let’s not ignore hidden desires in our hearts.

I know I have felt the need to wait for the perfect scenario (or season) to start something new.

Thoughts that it must be either/or run through my brain: Either I’m caring for my kids OR I’m growing personally.

Is it possible that BOTH options can exist at the same time? Doing both may actually increase the chance of raising fully functioning, capable adults who know and love Jesus.

 

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Proverbs 22:6 ESV

 

Tactical Tips for Thriving in ALL Family Seasons (even when it’s hard)

 

If you’re wondering “how do I find my purpose as a mom?”, it all starts with thriving where you are planted. The tips and advice below will help you make space to find your purpose as a mom, then pursue that passion (you and your kids will be better for it!).

Today I am sharing a few seasons of my life where I struggled big. Seasons where I wasted energy, lacked focus, or focused solely on others. Then I will invite you to discover a few tactical tips that I believe will transform your life and create space for who you are called to be. 😊

FAMILY SEASON: LITTLE ONES

Do not compare yourself to other mommas.

 

When my babies were babies, I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, but financial purchases and living beyond my means prevented that. I remember driving home every day from my hour commute bitter in my situation (and long drive!). I was so jealous of all the moms playing on the cul-de-sac with their kids.

I told myself I was the only one in the world (or so it seemed) struggling with this. But it wasn’t true. I wasted time comparing my dinners, outfits, and carpooling ability to others, instead of getting clear on what my dreams were and planning how to reach them.

 

“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”

Exodus 20:17 NIV

 

TACTICAL TIP

Own the value you bring to your family, financially, by fulfilling your calling, or by caretaking. If you happen to be in a position you would like to change, remember: Making a plan towards that direction is beneficial… living in comparison is not.

 

FAMILY SEASON: ELEMENTARY SCHOOL-AGERS

Make kids’ responsibilities and problems their responsibilities and problems.

 

One benefit of having kids in grade school is that the work is less physical. They can get dressed on their own, put their dishes away, carry their own responsibilities, and solve many of their own problems, especially if they created them.

Important questions to ask are…

  • Are you allowing them to do this?
  • Do your kids know their daily expectations, and do you hold them accountable?
  • And what is the negative long-term impact you are creating in their lives if you don’t?

Often for me, the answer is no (because it takes work on my part, too!).

A tough aspect during this season is that they need us mentally present way more than they did as toddlers. When they speak, we need to listen. Has your child ever asked you to put down your phone?! For us to be present with them, we need freedom, mind space, and time to take care of our own needs first. This will only happen if we pass a reasonable number of responsibilities back to them.

 

“Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more.”

Luke 12:48b ESV

TACTICAL TIP

Make a list of ALL the tasks you do for your children that they can do themselves (there will be many, my friend). Then decide what can be taken off your plate and given to them. You do not have to dump all 32 items on them at once, but girlllll… It is time to shift some. 

Know they will mess up, and that it’s a good thing. The earlier they learn to make mistakes and recover on their own, the more likely they will succeed and learn from their mishaps in adulthood.

 

FAMILY SEASON: THE TEENAGE YEARS

Ask and accept advice from older and wiser parents.

 

Having older kids can be a fun-but-challenging season as we relate in new ways, and a lot of our energy can be focused on that and our kids in general. But I am asking you to think about YOUR desires, momma! Why? Because once the kiddos get to this stage, time is nearing for you to be on your own again (and they will be, too).

Full disclosure, my kids are still in grade school, so I asked my friends with older kids what advice they had for engaging in their purpose and protecting their own personal boundaries as their children got older. (Sidenote: many didn’t and wish they had.)

 

“Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.”

Proverbs 19:20 ESV

TACTICAL TIPS

Here are tactical tips I learned from these mommas about having time to thrive.

Delegate tasks and expect kids to be responsible for their own schoolwork, getting dressed, cleaning up, booking appointments, etc… when they are still at home. Remember that grade school list of tasks you are offloading? Before high school, work towards having them own those tasks completely.

Find a hobby and make time to accomplish it. Read, run, ride bikes, or take a dance class. Do something for you because it is good for your soul. It’s also great to model the importance of taking time to recharge in healthy ways.

Let them join in. Whether that’s hopping on a Zoom call, visiting a client, or asking for ideas. Bringing them along for the ride allows you to get stuff done and lead by example. It’s a two-for-one, and who doesn’t love a good deal?!

Mimic Jesus. Jesus held people accountable for their own mistakes (Matthew 12:36). Jesus made space for rest (Mark 6:31). Jesus made space for quiet time in prayer (Luke 6:12). Jesus loved people well (Ephesians 4:32), not by enabling them, but by empowering them (Mark 6:7). Jesus led by example (John 13:12-15).

 

Boundaries are Important for the Entire Household to Thrive

 

Momma, you cannot reach your God-given potential without clearing space for yourself.

I love, love, love talking boundaries, and I believe that setting boundaries is a vital step needed for everyone to live a life with purpose and it teaches our beautiful babies (itty-bitty or big-and-grown) what living fully in our own potential looks like.

If you need a few more tactical tips to get you started, I created this free guide: 4 Tactical Tips to Create a Boundary. (P.S. I used this to phase out of corporate and start my own business!) You can snag that for free below.

Wherever you are on the path to find your purpose and create healthy boundaries, remember to give yourself grace. Our strength as mommas comes from the power of our patient, loving God. He wants you to thrive in love, not run yourself ragged striving for works.

 

“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore and do not submit to the yoke of slavery.”

Galatians 5:1 ESV

 

 

This blog was originally posted here as a guest blog on Our Everyday Parables.

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